-Months after the ex moved on with another girl, all the while still telling me he love me-

Pressing the pillow into my face, I wept quietly, trying not to make a sound so that my parents would think that I am already asleep. I’ve been broken for so long and have been unable to control my emotions of late. The phone rang, I picked up and on the other end of the line was *Tracey. It had been years since I’ve spoken to her but it must have been Gods plan to have her call me on this day. I have never opened myself to her because normally her calls are just to vent about her problems. I have always been her rock, but on this forsaken day she was mine.

That night she called me again asking for permission to give my phone number to *Max. She claims that he went through what I did and might be able to help me find brighter days. I was skeptical but gave her permission. To my surprise, he messaged me the next morning (26th April 2009),“Good morning! My name is *Max and *Tracey and I are good friends, she told me abit about you but silly her she didn’t tell me your name? Please don’t feel that it troublesome if you want to talk about anything. I like to listen. Hope you feel abit better today :-)”. He called me that night and I was hesitant to pick up or telling him anything at all. Who would’ve thought over the next month or so he was to be my rock. He came into my life with a mission and accomplished it without fail. We messaged day and night and he would call me every so often when I'd break down to comfort me. He helped me move on from the ex and completely cut him out of my life (last spoken: 8th May 2009). He was there for me every step of the way and was my shoulder no matter the time of day. He made a mark in my life…

My heart was so weak but the more I talked to him the stronger I became. He was my knight in shining armor. As weeks went by I became aware of his feelings towards me. I became afraid, so afraid. There were times that I wanted to tell him to promise me he’d never fall for me. But as time went on he made his feelings known to me. I was not ready to open my heart again.

It was at this time that I had a dream about him and I. In the dream - we were walking along a path and he told me that he really like me and asked me for a chance. I turned to him and said I’m not ready to be with anyone because my heart is still bleeding. We head towards a shop and browsed around. He then walked up towards me and handed me a hello kitty Band-Aid. I told *Max about this dream and told him that I saw him only as a friend. I didn’t know what I really felt at this time because of the mixed emotions I have forthe ex and is more skeptical on if Max really has true feelings for me. I wasn’t ready to go back out on the battlefield.

A week or two flew by and *Max was going overseas. Three days before he left he made it known to me of his feelings once more. Again, I told him I was not ready and saw nothing of our relationship but just friendship, but he said that it doesn’t matter as long as I know how he felt and that it shall be a seed that will flourish over time. I accepted this and acknowledge him.

The next day things took a turn, when his primary school flame called him. That night he messaged me and said that he’s going out with his crush. I thought that he was trying to make me jealous so took no notice of this. The following night, the night before his trip, he went out with her again.

Days later whilst he was overseas – I messaged him but the response was not the same as before. At this point I was ready to move on and take a leap of fate with my soul mate where ever he may be, and made it known in the message. All he said is that he is happy for me and hope that I find someone that will treat me right. He wasn’t the same. I knew that he had moved on after putting all the pieces together.

I was happy for him but felt that I probably missed a bullet and that I was lucky to not have expressed anything towards him because he had moved on so quickly…

To be continued… =p